Full Circle

November 2006

Hilton's Story

Chapter 30 Kathmandu

A flock of tourists, excited to be in the Himalayas, scrambled out of the bus into the thin air of the Himalayas and the bustling city. Kathmandu nestled in a valley and surrounded by mountains, is home to about a million and a half Nepalese, Tibetans and Indians.

Hilton and Ananda made their way about two miles west of Kathmandu City across the Bishnumati River to the hillock and the great stupa, believed to be twenty five hundred years old and one of the oldest Buddhist monuments anywhere. The four sides of the tower, painted with Buddha’s all-seeing eyes, watch over the whole valley. Ananda bowed before the ancient symbol of the Buddha’s message before they continued to the Mahayana monastery where Rinpoche Anjali waited.

Upon arrival, Ananda bowed, his hands clasped in the greeting gesture to the Rinpoche. Hilton could not understand but then Ananda explained that they would be welcome and share the daily routine of the monks. Hilton asked Ananda to tell RInpoche that he would like to study the practices of the Hindus, Jains, Yogis and other orders in the valley and was agreed he could do so when he had found his place here.

Their chambers contained a cot, a table, chair and a set of drawers. It was functional, nothing in the way of luxury, with a communal washroom at the end of the hall. Prayers wheels reminded the monks of the Dharma and the sufferings of human existence. Ananda said that it was much better equipped than the monastery in Sarnath.

“Monastics,” he said, “rise early for meditation, before the first meal, then we work or study. A Senior Monk usually explains the Sutras in the afternoon, then discussion and meditation. It’s normal to meditate late into the night. I’ll help you with the Sutras, I hope we can obtain English language texts”.

The daily routine began for Hilton early when he was roused before daylight by the monastery bell. Ananda hauled him out of bed and they joined the other monks in the main hall in front of a golden Buddha. The monks chanted the mantra and then, sitting in the lotus position, meditated silently. Hilton did not understand what was expected but he mimicked Ananda. Surprisingly, his mind settled into the rhythm of his breathing. His chakras did not initiate his kundalini energy this time but visions of Kay flashed through his mind when he let his focus drift.

He soon learned that Buddhist monks eat two vegetarian meals each day, sparing but sufficient. They share tasks including maintaining the monastery, preparing food and other duties. The advanced monks are often tour guides. Two weeks of this simple routine Hilton and questioned the wisdom of coming here. He did not understand the sutras and the answers he wanted were not forthcoming. His body rebelled at the cloistered life after the freedom of the road. He often thought of the home in Bangalore he had just left and wondered if he should quit this existence. “Two more weeks”, he said to himself, “and if it doesn’t improve I’m gone.”

He woke startled. The room was dark except for a sliver of moonlight in the corner opposite the bed. Sweating, his skin felt clammy. Had the malaria come back? A figure formed in the moonlight, he knew who it was. Tara had come back. He floated to him and took his hand lifting him from the bed and they rose up and out of the monastery high into the black night.

He saw nothing until was in a space he recognized as the cabin of his boat. Tara left him and he looked around. This was not possible. He was dreaming. Karen lay on the bed gazing toward him.

“Where have you been?” he heard her say. “Come to me.”

He drifted to the bed. He felt her lips on his penis. Her tongue and warm hands caressed it. The memory of her mouth became real. When was the last time he had felt it? Time stood still but the sensation was immediate. He looked at her face as she moved back and forth on him. Emotions swelled in his chest. He wanted something, what was it? Suddenly his body wracked in spasms. Pleasure filled him. He groaned and wakened.

It was a dream. The sliver of moonlight was in the corner as before but there was no Tara.

The routine of the monastery eased during the next few days. His mind seemed to loosen and his anguish lessen. He found a book of sutras he could read with Ananda describing the life of Buddha. Ananda told him of the middle path that Buddhi preached. When the two weeks ended Hilton decided to stay for another month.

Sometime in that month, Hilton was not sure when because the days ceased to be anything more than intervals of light and dark, meditations and work or study, the Rinpoche asked him to come to his chamber with Ananda. They drank tea and the Master asked Hilton to tell his story from the beginning. RInpoche said he knew of it from the Master at Sarnath but he wanted to hear more for himself. Ananda translated his request into English for Hilton and said that he would translate for the Rinpoche Anjali.

Hilton took his time thinking and drinking his tea. He was afraid to tell his story because of the pain it had brought him and the troubles they had while travelling with the yogis. He had never talked about his relationship with Kay and their love when recounting their visit to Mount Meru to the yogis or the listeners along the road. The RInpoche sensed his feelings and smiling said, “Perhaps it is to early. You are still attached to the pain in your heart. We can wait for another time when you are ready to release it.”

Six months passed before Hilton was again summoned to RInpoche Anjali’s chamber. During this time he had found peace within himself and following the example of the monks let go of his personal desires and feelings. Tara no longer visited his room at night. He heard the dharma of the Buddha and knew the Four Noble Truths in Hindi, English and Sanskrit. The road map for the Eightfold Path had been imprinted in his consciousness and the meaning of enlightenment as seen by the Buddhists was becoming clear. It was a different man who sat down with Rinpoche for tea and conversation and while he had a much better grasp of Hindi Ananda was present to interpret.

RInpoche asked Hilton how he was doing as a monk. Hilton was happy to say that his life had settled down and he was very happy. RInpoche then asked him if he was ready to talk about the experiences that had led him to this monastery. Hilton felt as if it was the story of another person, not him. The Hilton who had lived before was gone now and it was easy to describe the life and experiences of the other man.

They talked past the afternoon meditation period until the sun was setting behind the mountains. He described everything from when he met Kay until he arrived in this monastery in clear and unemotional words. The Master listened carefully as Ananda translated and he watched Hilton’s eyes for signs of distress or pain but there was none. He made notes of incidents with the snakes, the trances in Maithuna and the Mount Meru experience. When Hilton finished speaking he remained silent for a long time.

He spoke, “I have never heard anyone speak of such things. The coincidence of being found in a delirious state under a bhodi tree in the Deer Park by a monk named Ananda is very perplexing and must mean something, but I know not what.”

The Master rose and thanked Hilton and Ananda for telling him his fascinating life experience. He added that he would meditate and that he would ask them to his chambers soon to talk about the future. As they left the chamber Hilton asked Ananda for his reaction. Ananda had never heard the details and was also uncertain but answered that he was surprised that Hilton had been so detached as he spoke. He said Hilton had changed a great deal since they had been in the monastery.

Several days passed before Hilton and Ananda were called to Rinpoche Anjali’s chamber. After the respectful greeting the Master focussed his attention on Hilton.

“You have had a remarkable experience and Tantra has taken you along an unusual path. As a Westerner you were not preconditioned by knowledge of the Upanishads or the Vedas and so could not have conjured the images from your present life. I have meditated upon the thought that they are the result of karmic seeds from prior lives. You have a desire to learn more and it is time for that to happen. We have friends in the Hindu temple at Pashupatinath in Kathmandu and Ananda will take you to a priest there who will interpret your experience since the Hindu gods are part of it. You may stay there as long as you wish and are welcome to return here when you are ready.” 

The interview was over and Hilton left the chamber feeling unfulfilled. For some reason he thought the Rinpoche could have explained the meaning of what had happened but he didn’t want to do so. Why?

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