Full Circle

October 2006

Hilton's Story

Chapter 25 Return to India

With a new outlook and full of optimism Hilton flew directly to Calcutta. He had decided to organize his quest with Sanjay and begin the journey travelling alone with just a backpack and enough money for a few days at a time. Sanjay had offered to be his banker and send funds when he needed them. He would carry a cell phone to keep in touch. Sanjay tried to discourage him put he was convinced he would find Kay somewhere in one of the places they had visited. Khajuraho, he was sure, was the most likely place and he would go there first. Failing that he would go on to the Taj Mahal and then reverse his journey to the south.

He left Calcutta by train promising to call Sanjay every other day. The trip to Khajuraho was long and he was anxious to get there.  Meditation was impossible, images of Kay were like horses galloping through his mind. Two days of bone jarring travel and a taxi ride to the temples. Maybe Mr. Saktu and his wife would be there. They would certainly be able to help him find Kay. He stood where they had stood and didn’t notice the day turning into evening. Nothing happened. People came and went, some looked at him strangely but no one spoke.

The park closed, he straggled into the town to find a room. Their hotel was booked but he found a room in a dingy local hotel sufficient for his needs. He forgot to eat and went to sleep as soon as he lay down.

Sometime during the night he woke. A dim light in the corner brightened, then dimmed and brightened again. He strained to see what it was and through the glow made out a figure. He knew it was Tara as he approached his bed floating beside his head and spoke, “We know why you are here, Hilton Christopher. You have suffered great loss. You will suffer more before you are released from bardo and your karma is extinguished.”

“Can you help me?” he heard himself say.

“No, we cannot, you must follow your own path as you always have.”

Tara dimmed and disappeared.

The sunlight struck his face through the torn window shade. It took several minutes while he remembered where he was and the memory of his dream faded. He needed the toilet. It smelled of urine, the facilities grungy and chipped. The face in the mirror needed a shave but he merely cleaned his teeth. Still dressed from the previous day he went down the stairs for food and told the desk clerk he would return that night.

Bright sun foretold a hot day but he wanted to find the house where they had been the guests of Mr. Saktu or whatever his name was. He vaguely remembered the way and flagged a taxi. The driver regarded him strangely but took him to the gates of the park. The guard looked at him curiously but made no effort to stop him as he walked slowly up the driveway through the eucalyptus trees, to the parking lot and crossed the grass toward the river.

In his mind the gardens looked like they had when they were sitting on the veranda that afternoon drinking tea. He looked for signs of a house and found an old foundation wall half hidden in the grass. He traced the wall. There had definitely been a building here. It was quiet in the park and he sat on the broken foundation without thinking, just breathing and gazing blankly toward the river. Eventually the sound of children roused him and he walked to the road and toward the temples. No signs or miracles indicated that she was there. Later in the afternoon he walked back to his hotel. Not having eaten or drank since morning he was dehydrated.

Another restless night, he woke early, walked to the river to where people bathed in the polluted water and boys splashed among the crowds of bathers. He watched for several hours from a restaurant above the river. He would not find Kay here and called Calcutta. Sanjay answered and asked where he was and if he had any luck. Hilton told him what was happening and said he would go on to Agra. He would call him from there.

The bus, packed with ordinary people gazing curiously at his gaunt face, becoming scruffier with a lengthening grey and black beard. In Agra for two days he found only a surge heartbreaking empathy for Emperor Shah Jahan who had built the Taj Mahal in memory of his beloved wife.

Discouraged,  what to do next? Varanasi was on the way to Calcutta. Not feeling well both physically and emotionally and needing something but he didn’t know what it was. He made train connections to Varanasi and arrived two days later in a cold sweat where he found a hotel and shivered through the night.  Feeling better in the morning he made his way to the Deer Park at Sarnath.

Could she be in one of the Buddhist realms where souls with good karma wait for rebirth or passage to Nirvana? He walked around the Great Stupa and the lesser Stupas before his chill returned and he felt faint. He found shade under a bodhi tree and huddled on the grass.

His mind reeled with visions of demons and devils as his spirit entered the world between life and death. He heard the question demanding to know who he was but he couldn’t answer. Where was Kay? She had the answer. He saw a vision that looked like her on a distant mountain and struggled to reach her but the vision faded and was replaced by another demon. He cried out for help but there was none.

Next chapter

 Home Page